The term stems from restaurant dining etiquette in the Western world , where each person pays for their meal. It is also called Dutch date , Dutch treat the oldest form, a pejorative , [1] and doing Dutch. A derivative is ” sharing Dutch “, having a joint ownership of luxury goods. For example: four people share the ownership of a plane, boat, car, or any other sharable high-end product. This in order to minimize cost, sharing the same passion for that particular product and to have the maximum usage of this product. The Oxford English Dictionary connects “go Dutch” and “Dutch treat” to other phrases which have “an opprobrious or derisive application, largely due to the rivalry and enmity between the English and Dutch in the 17th century”, the period of the Anglo-Dutch Wars.

Modern etiquette: How do you insist on splitting the bill on a date without seeming rude?

IT’S a topic that everyone has a different view on, but as far as I’m concerned, if a man insists we split the bill on a date, it leaves a sour taste in my mouth. Splitting the bill on dates sets the precedent for a relationship, one where everything is straight down the middle. And where does that end? Does that mean we should keep monthly spreadsheets and document when we give sexual favours and how much we give emotionally to ensure we’re even every month?

An anniversary, no longer the man you have disrupted our gendered dating, i am dating life. Now, first date days and emma jesson are the beginning. No longer.

My therapist approaches my tales of dating apps and booty calls and ghostings with an adorable anthropological fascination. Recently he asked me whether a man I was dating paid for my meals and drinks. Well, no. Sometimes I even halfheartedly offered to split the bill, but I never insisted, and men rarely accepted. A month later, I was at a fancy restaurant with a date, and I was spiralling.

We had been nursing Negronis at the bar for hours. On either side of us, two rounds of first dates had arrived, run out of things to talk about, and left, but we were still going strong. While I was alone, the bill came, and I stared at it like it was the Black Spot. Chivalry tells us that men must pay on dates, but here I am, pressing to pay my part. Though the same man can demonstrate both hostile sexism and benevolent sexism, depending on the situation, research has shown that generally men have a favourable opinion of women.

Who Should Pay On A First Date?

In a perfect world, money would not be an issue. Or maybe if I had a perfect personality instead of my neurotic, analytical self , dating costs would not be an issue. Or maybe if we lived in a world where traditional female and male roles of nurturer and provider did not exist, then it would not be an issue. I see that there are two distinct periods where the behaviour is different and where who pays for the dating cost varies.

For most couples who are planning a life together and view themselves as a team, the best way to split bills with their spouse is to not split them at.

Considering the traditional Western ideals of chivalry, this new arrangement is arguably most appealing and helpful to men, who have long been expected to pay for dates in order to appear gentlemanly. Centuries of assured gender roles have culminated in a 21st century society which insists that women should accept and perhaps even expect to be paid for at all stages of romantic relationships.

Equally, whilst the financial generosity of a date demonstrates their kindness, it is in danger of introducing pressure on the other person to agree to another meeting. However, men still predominantly opt to pay for the table and the question of who takes care of the bill remains a topic of discussion for most couples who enter the restaurant.

Whilst men are most likely to pay in heterosexual pairs, an imbalance of financial contribution is also frequently seen in non-heterosexual couples, too. Whether this is a result of one person insisting upon full payment, or of one person failing to offer their own contribution, the show has proved that how the bill is split can be a deal-breaker for some singles. It is perhaps problematic that a policy like this has to be formally introduced and offered by an establishment.

The split-bill arrangement aims to combat this tricky topic by encouraging equality on dates and thus beginning to erase one of the markers of stereotypical masculinity. It is perhaps problematic that a policy like this has to be formally introduced and offered by an establishment in order to achieve a financial balance on dates, as it suggests that some people are incapable of simply discussing the options and agreeing on how to pay.

Written by Romana Essop.

Why I’m Tired Of Men Splitting The Bill In The Name Of Feminism

This happened to me recently. When lunch was finished and the bill came, my date pulled his wallet out, placed it on the table and then shot me an expectant look. I smiled politely, of course, then started to rummage through my handbag to find my wallet. I put my cash down even though it was more than half the bill , he placed it in his wallet and took out his Platinum MasterCard. The waitress came over, and he paid. While charging his card, she gave me that little side smirk, as though he was such a gentleman for footing the bill for an expensive lunch.

Goldstein noted that people should not make hollow offers to split the bill if they’re not actually comfortable doing so. “They should only offer to.

Overpriced and scalped football tickets in another country come to mind. I generally would pay. Unless the lady asked to split or pay for it all in which case I would, if I thought the offer was genuine, graciously accept. Ordering for the woman ie deciding what they should have to eat, as opposed to recommending something, which is fine is a step too far tho.

Choose ur own god damned dinner. Agree re people who count every penny on social occasions. Very little happens for a very long time. Even if she doesn’t particularly enjoy football.

The Best of Hong Kong

Each week we debate the topics that drive you nuts. This week we asked if people should split the bill on their first date. The dating rulebook was written before gender equality became a part of the modern discourse. Now it just seems old-fashioned for guys to pay for the first date, especially as both parties have an equal stake in the budding relationship. Splitting the bill shows that both people are on the same footing.

A nice way to go about things is for one person to pay for dinner and the other pays for dessert or drinks afterwards.

Not sure who should pay on a first date? You’re not the only one. I’ve always offered to split the bill, and I’ve always meant it. Yet I’ve never.

There was a moment on Love Island that will leave fans will be talking about in years to come, and it has absolutely nothing to do with Cash Hughes. This rather high-brow – by Love Island standards – conversation was specifically about the financial logistics of dating. After Jonny admitted that he’d feel emasculated if a girl offered to split the bill with him. The subject of who should pay for who on a first date is evidently still a matter of great fragility.

What if you paying will hurt their ego? What if you have an uneven number of drinks? What about when one person earns significantly more? What if they chose the most expensive bar in the city?

Who Should Pay for the First Date?

To go dutch or not to go dutch? Turns out, it’s really not that simple. What does going Dutch mean? In modern lingo, it means the man paying on dates, the first date especially.

First Dates’ Fred Siriex divides opinion saying the bill should be split tight” and “Men should always pay the bill, especially on a first date.

Yet, we had some questions regarding human behaviour on this particular day. Combining Open Data, proper research and utilising data from anonymous SumUp transactions, we’ve come up with a few theories. When used ethically, data opens our eyes up to how we function as humans and enables us to make decisions based on our findings. It was allegedly created by the English while negotiating trade routes and political boundaries with the Netherlands.

The English thought the Dutch to be stingy when in actual fact, our data shows it to be the other way round. So, how did we do it? We analysed transactions of identical payment amounts that were taken by the same merchant within 60 seconds of each other, allowing us to assume the payments were made for the same bill and not for a separate transaction.

This is what we uncovered:. We probably left this analysis with a lot more questions than answers.

The awkwardness of paying on a first date in 2019

The setting: a mid-price range, family-friendly restaurant just before Christmas. A young Japanese couple, early university age, sit together at a table. They nervously hand one another cutely wrapped gifts, fussing over the wrapping paper before opening them.


Most of us are old-fashioned traditionalists when it comes to paying on a first date. Men are expected to break out the cash; women are expected to break out a grateful smile. But another survey by Moneysupermarket. What do you think? Should a man be generous or frugal? We asked real men and women for their views. All women want a rich man they can sponge off. I paid because she obviously expected me too, but I thought she was rude.

Should you split the bill on a first date? Men and women have different ideas

Advertiser Disclosure: The credit card and banking offers that appear on this site are from credit card companies and banks from which MoneyCrashers. This compensation may impact how and where products appear on this site, including, for example, the order in which they appear on category pages. Advertiser partners include American Express, Chase, U.

› lifestyle › relationships › dating › news-story.

I said yes and lifted my handbag off the arm of my chair. Plucking my debit card out of my purse, I asked what else he does to further gender equality. He rolled his eyes before looking over his shoulder and beckoning for the waitress to bring the card reader over. Men are the biggest advocates of feminism when it comes to splitting the bill on a date. Get away from here with your broke self.

Although the gender pay gap is very real, it would be wrong of me to assume that every guy I date is financially better off than I am. The fact that women are disproportionately seen as the carers also plays a part. Saying that, in some cases, there is no other option but to have one parent give up work.

Bridget Casey writes and tweets extensively about the financial impact that motherhood can have on women. It encompasses everything from being passed over for a job to being perceived as less competent in the workplace. For women, having a child is singlehandedly the largest financial risk they can take in their lifetime. Subscribe today and I’ll send you the secret password for the free resource library.

There you’ll find free guides, workbooks and cheat sheets designed to transform your finances. Sign Up.

People Reveal When You Should Start Splitting The Bill On A Date

The awkward dance begins of who will grab for that check. Will your date pay or will you? Should you go halfsies with it?

After that, I’ll be more open to splitting the bill. But those first couple of dates are the time for me to be courted a little. Sure, I’ll offer to split.

Traditional or not, we’ve already discussed how most girls like it when a guy pays on a first date. But what about when that first date leads into a committed, long-term relationship? Or better yet, you guys move in together. Who pays then—and for what? On our first date, although I offered to split the bill, J wouldn’t even let me open my wallet and, I admit, I was impressed by it.

But immediately after that, we fell into a pattern of taking turns to pay. He’d pick up the check at dinner and I’d buy the frozen yogurt on our walk home.

Splitting the Bill on the First Date: Date Him or Ditch Him?